Shishido watched but never got any answers. As he hadn't worked out, he went to practice on his own when everyone else went to go shower. Taki was obviously very interested in the kid and had glued himself to him. Must to the dismay of his current roommate, doubles partner, and lover Sato. Ohtori practiced with Taki and the rest of the regulars and seemed tireless. He more than held his own. Whether the kid knew it or not, his life had changed that day. Unless he did something incredibly stupid to screw things up, he was in.

Shishido thought about all of this while he practiced on his own. He worked his muscles until they screamed with fatigue. Moving always helped him when he was upset. He realized as he thought about it that he was still very upset. He didn't like things going on that involved him without him knowing about them. He was out of the loop and felt lost and alone. Really alone for the first time since Atobe had first kissed him. He realized he was alone and he realized even more upsettingly that it really bothered him.

He felt someone watching him practice and forced himself to not turn and look. With the intensity of the stare it could have been anyone. Atobe, another regular, a fangirl, anyone. Really, anyone.

A girl had confessed to him just this morning, it could even be another guy as they confessed to him all the time also. People found him attractive and the more he pushed people away the more this seemed to interest people. Hell it could even have been Jiroh watching, it was night and the guy was always worried about him and Atobe getting together behind his back. Shishido smiled because they could have at any time when the sun was up and narcoleptic Jiroh would never be the wiser, but even as Shishido thought about who it could be and moved he knew without turning around it was the kid.

He felt that familiar burning on his skin from his earlier incredibly intense gaze. His skin again felt prickly with searing heat from the stare he was getting. Shishido didn't want to make the kid pass out again, certainly, but he thought to maybe say hello. Maybe then the kid would realize Shishido wasn't whoever he thought he was. But when he finally finished and did turn around, there was no one there. Shishido felt disappointed and shook it off for being for the best as he went to go shower.

He was just getting back to his room when his cell phone rang. He did a double-take at the number. Atobe. He answered and tried to not sound shocked or anything but bored and as if he had expected the call. Atobe ordered him to a room in one of the freshman dorms and hung up. He sounded even more cold than normal and strangely furious. More angry that Shishido could ever remember hearing him. Shishido went. He tried to walk calmly even though his heart was pounding. The freshman buildings were clear on the other side of campus from where he was. He worried that Atobe would call him back or worse, make Kabaji go get him and physically carry him there but he tried to stay calm and relaxed.

As long as he stayed calm, he told himself he would be all right. Even if he was worried. He already had guessed he was going to the kid's room but not why.

When he arrived he was surprised to find so many team members already there. Taki was there already as was Atobe, Jiroh, Oshitari, and a moment after Shishido arrived, Mukahi showed up too. Mukahi had been there before. Apparently, he just went home to grab his laptop. Kabaji also sat in the corner seemingly trying to not fill the room up with his presence.

The kid was apparently passed out on his bed. Shishido looked surprised at Taki who said, "For the last time, he's fine! He hasn't slept in days so I gave him a sleeping pill, all right? Why does everyone think I drugged him and had my way with him?" Taki went back to the papers he was sorting through. Jiroh looked sleepy and sat on the other unmade bed. Apparently the kid didn't have a roommate which was surprising since he had one of the larger coveted corner rooms. For a late application? Atobe must have pulled major strings.

Oshitari was going through the kid's suitcase and boxes which were all still packed. Or maybe the kid had repacked and intended to leave. Shishido didn't think so. He guessed the kids wrinkled appearance was because he was living out of his suitcase and only was taking out what he needed. Gakuto was disconnecting the kid's laptop and connecting his own to the power supply. He had the year before acquired all the pass codes to all the students files and several from outside the school as well. He was a pretty useful sneaky little weasel when it came to getting information, especially for a price. Although it would undoubtedly be free for Atobe.

Gakuto wanted only Atobe's favoritism. Shishido stood there silently waiting for someone to explain what was going on. He felt someone staring at him and turned. Atobe was looking at him, utterly furious.

Even drugged, the kid moved and thrashed in his sleep. They all turned to look at him. Taki put down his paperwork and tried to hold the kid down. He shushed him and told him it was all right. The kid quieted down after a few moments of Taki's attentions and talking to him.

Atobe resumed staring at him as if waiting for Shishido to confess or something. He had no idea why.

"Gakuto are you in?" Oshitari asked quietly while still rummaging thoroughly through all the kid's things.

"Hold on a minute will you?" Gakuto squeaked.

"Hello. I think I've found something..." Oshitari said and sat to read the papers in his hand. They had been well hidden in a suitcase lining.

Atobe looked only at Shishido in pure rage. He finally said to Shishido coldly and quiet, "You. Come with me. Now." He walked out into the hall and Shishido followed him. Jiroh stood up as well. "Jiroh, stay." Atobe ordered without looking over his shoulder. Shishido saw the annoyed look pass over Jiroh's face. He wasn't used to being ordered around. Not even by Atobe. "Kabaji, clear this room." Atobe said pointing to the room next door.

"Yes!" Kabaji said and stood up. He knocked on the door and physically removed the two stunned guys who lived there.

"I'm terribly sorry but we need to borrow your room for a little while. Thank you for your co-operation. I'll see that you are well compensated for any inconvenience." Atobe drawled absently over his shoulder. Shishido followed and the door closed behind him. He was shocked when Atobe threw him up against the now shut door. "Why didn't you tell me you knew him!" Atobe snarled.

"I don't know him, I never saw him before today in my life!" Shishido snarled back in surprise and heat.

Atobe had to see that he didn't know the kid in Shishido's face even as he held his wrists up and pinned him against the door with his body.

Shishido wanted him with an ache and knew Atobe wanted him just as much. No, he saw Atobe was completely jealous. He wanted Shishido even more. They pressed into each other against the door not moving. There was no sound and no movement except their breaths and their heartbeats. Atobe moved, just the slightest fraction of a centimeter towards Shishido's mouth. He went to kiss him, hot, hungry, wanting him and Shishido knew he would not be able to resist him. Not after missing and wanting him so much for so long. He was lost and going to lose even more and Shishido in that moment just didn't care.

A knock at the door saved him, and disappointed both of them incredibly. "What?" Atobe said, still holding him, both of them breathing hard, so close to ravishing each other.

"We've got it." Jiroh said bringing reality back to both of them.

"We'll be right there." Atobe said and did not move. Then after looking at him a moment longer, he moved and shocked Shishido. Atobe put his arms around him and held him. He pressed his entire body to him. Atobe buried his face in his hair, he could feel his breath in his ear, feel him kiss him there for an instant, so familiar and so missed, and he said softly, "I'm sorry Ryoh. I saw the pictures and...I'm sorry."

Shishido automatically put his arms back around him. He heard Atobe exhale softly and felt him relax into his arms as if Atobe had been holding his breath in since Shishido walked away and only now let it out. He knew it might ruin the moment but he had to ask, "Keigo, what the hell are you talking about? What pictures?"

Atobe pulled back to look at him. They were almost kissing. Shishido could not resist any more, he didn't want to. He saw Atobe couldn't either. And wouldn't. But then Atobe smiled slightly, as if he won something as he moved in to kiss Shishido. That and perfect timing of an insistent pounding on the door they were leaning on jarred Shishido away from Atobe's lips. "Atobe!" Jiroh said sounding excited and annoyed. "Come on!"

Shishido stepped back feeling the familiar ache snap back into place again. Atobe smiled and inclined his head as if he accepted a challenge again. He opened the door and walked out of the room first. Shishido followed and shut it behind him knowing it locked automatically and they didn't have the key, he was determined now not to go back there again. Atobe was still capable of playing games and Shishido wasn't. It was just that simple. And that dangerous.

"What did you find?" Atobe said sounding bored. Only Shishido knew he was no longer interested in the freshman, he wanted Shishido. Now. Shishido smiled slightly thinking that Jiroh probably knew as well.

Both Oshitari and Gakuto went to talk at once. Atobe held up a hand to them silencing them both. He pointed and let Gakuto speak first probably figuring that Gakuto would talk over Oshitari if he didn't. Gakuto had pulled up the kid's, Ohtori's files. Including his health files which had everything. He told them the kid's parents wanted him in Hyoutei because his best friend since he was two years old had been sick with a disease. Terribly sick. The two guys went to school together and did everything together. School, tennis, grew up next door to each other their entire lives, everything. Gakuto raised his eyebrows at that implying that he thought the two were more than friends. Shishido doubted it. Gakuto thought that about all guys who were close friends. Plus the kid looked so innocent that it didn't seem possible.

Until Shishido remembered the heat and the weight of the stare. He shuddered slightly remembering the feeling of his skin tingling. Gakuto went on to say the kid's best friend couldn't take it anymore, he found out that his treatments were not working. He was getting sicker and one night a few months ago, he killed himself.

Oshitari picked up the story because he had in his hands Ohtori's best friend's suicide letter. He read it to them. The entire long thing. Every word spoken in his soft accented tone. Giving an eerie sounding voice to the dead. They all sat around stunned and listened as two people's deepest secrets, passionate friendship and love, and one person's last words to the person he loved were read aloud to total strangers who were never meant to listen to them. Oshitari being the romantic tensai he was, put emotion in his voice at the proper moments, and had tears running down his cheeks as he read the end. Over and over he read in his soft voice as the dead guy begged the kid to forgive him, told him to remember he loved him, and asked him to swear not to follow him in death. The dead guy promised to stay with the kid and watch over him. He swore to him over and over that he loved him. He called the kid the nickname old man, probably from his hair just as Shishido had.

They should never have read it. Never. That it moved such cold, heartless guys as they were was all the proof needed. Shishido felt terrible. He felt terrible for the kid, bad for what they had done, and sorry for himself. After the moment of heat a short time ago between him and Atobe, his feelings of love seemed a joke compared to how this kid's friend felt and what this kid lost. No one spoke.

Then Gakuto snickered. "Shishido, you haven't seen the pictures yet."

Oshitari surprisingly reached out to try to stop the toss Gakuto made of a photo album to Shishido. The tensai even more surprisingly missed. "Shishido, no, don't...!" Oshitari said but it was too late. On the front cover was a picture of the two boys. They were younger. They were laughing. They were tanned and holding tennis rackets and a trophy. The kid's hair was curly and long and white for some reason but it was still him. They two boys had their arms around each other and looked jubilantly happy.

One looked almost exactly like him. It was eerie how much like him.

Shishido sat down on the bed barely noticing he sat next to Jiroh on one side and Taki on the other with the kid sleeping soundly at the moment behind the three of them. He looked through the book. He and the guy had very similar features, more than just their hair, but there were subtle differences. For one thing, the guy in the book smiled and laughed a lot more than Shishido thought he ever had.

His face like the kid's was open, unguarded, and trusting. His eyes were bright and shining and every smile he had was real and genuine. His arm around the kid in every photo may have been why. Shishido knew that most of his childhood photos were of him scowling alone or looking annoyed standing next to his brother or on one side of his parents. Most of the time though, he was the one taking pictures of them while he parents blissfully smiled like these two guys did at each other.

The next thing Shishido noticed is that the guy always looked relaxed. Shishido knew he rarely did. He was told he looked haughty and proud but that was probably because his guard was always up. It had always had to be. This guy had never had to live like that. Some of the pictures in the middle, where the guy and then both the guy and the kid had shaved off their hair was upsetting. He could clearly see the guy was terribly sick and wasting away. You could see him getting sicker in each photo. Yet in every picture, they had their arms around each other and were laughing and smiling. Just happy to be together.

He somehow knew the guy had made the photo album. A treasure for the kid to have and remember them by. It was almost as if after those middle pictures where he was sick he wanted the kid to remember other times so he put earlier pictures of both of them in after. Even ones of them very young and naked in the bath together. Even then, covered in bubbles, they had their arms around each other and were laughing.

Shishido got to the end and closed the book. His heart felt heavy and he felt as if he should curl up with the sleeping kid to offer him any possible comfort he could get from having Shishido look so similar. Even if Shishido wasn't worth the effort or the weight of the kid's stare, if he could give him just a moment of peace after his loss it would be worth it. The kid was not innocent, okay, but he was clean and so pure hearted it was heartbreaking. Shishido felt dirty and unworthy in comparison to the kid and the guy. He felt in his heart he was never worth someone caring that much about him. Maybe that was why no one ever had. Or ever would.

"We need to do something." Shishido said quietly, not thinking or censoring what he said for the first time in years before he spoke.

"And what do you suggest we do, Shishido?" Atobe said sounding annoyed. After all, he seemed to imply, without needing to state the obvious, they were not very nice people. Why help? Why bother? What could they possibly do?

Taki said before Shishido could insist, "We need to get him off the drugs they've got him on. They're way too strong. Its a wonder he can walk around let alone function. He's not eating or sleeping either."

"And he shouldn't be alone." Gakuto squawked in, surprising everyone who turned to look at him. "What? No one should be all alone like this after something like that."

"He's right." Oshitari drawled in his accent. "He needs a roommate. No, he needs more than that, someone to watch over him. A senpai."

Taki said before Shishido or anyone else could, "I'll do it. Move him in with me." He put his hand protectively on the sleeping kid as if staking his claim.

"You already have a roommate." Jiroh said pointedly.

Taki shrugged. "Sato's hurt."

Everyone looked shocked at him now. Taki apparently decided in that moment to dump his closest friend and lover for a kid he didn't know. Perhaps though, it was to his benefit as well. He couldn't stay with Sato if he was dropped. Sato would only bring him down too if Taki tried. "Atobe has already seen it. He'll lose his next game." Taki shrugged again. "Move Sato in here. Its a huge corner single and a nice consolation prize even if it is in the freshman dorm. I'll watch over the kid. Move him in with me."

"You're forgetting something." Shishido said quietly. He was the odd man out as usual. Everyone had forgotten about him. For some strange reason, this didn't bother him as much as it should have. Maybe because him left out meant the kid could be happy and would not be reminded every time he saw him. Maybe Shishido giving the kid space would do some good. Shishido lived on the same floor as Taki in a single down the hall thanks to Atobe. How was the kid going to function seeing Shishido every day?

Atobe smiled. "He's going to have to get used to seeing you anyway and he can't pass out every time he does. So let's move you into Oshitari's room. Oshitari and Gakuto will move to your old room. It was a double and you'll still have a large single Ryoh. Let's get him used to seeing you and he will eventually figure out you are in reality far different from the guy who died, who he loved. Let him see that you resemble his lost friend in features only." Oshitari shared a suite with Taki and Sato, Taki's current and soon to be ex-lover and roommate.

Atobe said it to Shishido with a disdainful snarl. As if the guy the kid loved, that kind of pure love that the two of them had was a beautiful thing for stupid naive people and Shishido especially would never have that. Never be that way with anyone. Shishido tried to keep the blush from his face. Atobe knew how to hurt Shishido and how to rub in his feelings of unworthiness. Plus Shishido realized surprised, Atobe also truly was not capable of that kind of open, honest, true love. He wondered if anyone but the kid in the room was. And if that was true why then even horrible people like they were felt compelled to help him.

Atobe continued, "Taki you can take care of Ohtori. Don't dare scare him away. Take your time. I'll call my doctor and we'll get him off his drugs so he can function. Sato can move in with Kabaji. He's a senior and shouldn't be sent into the freshman dorms even if he will get dropped. Besides, I have someone else in mind for here. Are we agreed? Does that satisfy you Ryoh?"

Everyone else agreed before Shishido could respond. They really had no choice when Atobe ordered them. Gakuto must have been thrilled to no longer live with Kabaji who he said snored terribly. "When?" Gakuto squeaked excited, "When do we move?"

"Now. Tonight. Call the freshmen to do the actual moving. I'll call the Captain and inform him of the changes we're making. Kabaji, you pick Ohtori up and we'll carry him to his new home."

"Yes!"

Everyone went to move. "Wait!" Shishido said, not finished yet. They all stopped and stared at him in shock. "Hold on a minute. We shouldn't tell anyone what we know. And not the kid. He should never know that we read that. That we know. If he wants to tell someone then fine, but until then he shouldn't know. How could he face us everyday if he knew we dug through everything and knew?" Everyone looked at Shishido like he was insane.

But then Oshitari spoke up, "Actually, I agree. Its a beautiful love story but would be emotionally scarring if Ohtori finds out we all know his past. People may even try to use it against him. And even against us for helping him. It should stay here, among brothers." He said it pointedly and looked at Atobe.

Atobe held his hand to his face, looking for flaws in the plan. Finally he said, "Agreed. We'll tell Ohtori that he is to practice with the regulars until he is admitted. Shishido you'll sponsor him." Atobe held up his hand for silence as Taki went to protest that he wanted to be his big brother, "Shishido will sponsor him." There would be no protesting once Atobe decided like that. It was partial punishment for Shishido saying they needed to do something not once, but twice. It was another chance for Atobe to watch Shishido and for Shishido to put himself on the line.

Still, Shishido felt all right about it. He felt better that it would not be Taki alone watching over the kid. It felt right somehow to help him. More right than anything else Shishido had felt in a long time.

Atobe continued, "And if anyone else ever finds out about here, tonight, Ohtori's past, any of it, I know exactly who is in this room and who is responsible. You will not be forgiven. There are no second chances. Understood?" He then said the secret password only the regulars knew. They said and mumbled it back sealing it in an unbreakable vow. The penalties and punishments for breaking the brotherhood vow were swift and severe. Shishido wondered how Ohtori would survive the hazing and the regular's brotherhood ceremony but then he figured if the guy survived the loss he had, seeing his best friend and lover waste away and die by his own hand to spare the kid any more pain, then hell, the little rituals and games of the Hyoutei tennis club would be nothing.

He wondered how strong the kid really was and realized it was probably stronger than he was. He admired him for a moment. Taki saw him look over in thought at the innocently drugged sleeping Ohtori as Atobe made cell phone calls to the freshman he put in charge to rally everyone and the Captain to give him the information. Taki put a protective arm on Ohtori again to tell Shishido to back off and not even consider trying to take him. Taki said without saying a word, Shishido may be Ohtori's sponsor, his senpai, and in effect his big brother as Atobe just ordered but Taki intended to make Ohtori his in every other way possible.

Shishido smiled and shrugged at him. Let Taki be the kid's rebound. Taki certainly, surprisingly, seemed to really care for him. As much as Taki or any of them dirty as they were actually could. Either way it didn't matter to Shishido. He would do his best to help the kid in the role he was just assigned. Naturally.

Still Shishido had stuck up for Ohtori and gotten everyone to help. That alone was above and beyond what he would normal have done. True they may have helped without Shishido saying anything and for him saying something it made Atobe make his life more difficult with having to help the kid, but all in all, Shishido felt good at least for helping in some small way. Maybe for once, he could do someone some good. He could be a good big brother, senpai, and friend to Ohtori, his first kouhai, even if he might have to wear a bag over his head whenever the guy looked at him so he didn't pass out.

The intensity of the stare the kid had was too much for Shishido to take. Shishido realized he was afraid of loving and needing anyone that much. Of anyone needing him that much. Depending on him. Atobe was right. He wasn't capable of that kind of love. He felt incredibly disappointed in himself at discovering this. He wondered if it was why he was always so angry at his parents, if he resented that they could love like that and he couldn't. He wondered if he had chosen to have feelings for someone like Atobe because he knew all along Atobe could never really love him back. How safe to choose someone who can never love you; then you would never have to love them back.

Shishido always thought that he was so strong. He was surprised to discover that in reality, he was a coward when it came to love.

It made him incredibly sad to learn this about himself as he began the arduous task of moving into another room. With a new suite mate who would never know he or any of them knew his deepest darkest secrets and heartbreak.

Shishido thought about all this and the kid and remembered only later, just before he passed out exhausted in his old bed in his new room, that moving tonight and thinking about all this was the first time since Atobe first touched him that Shishido had not thought about him in hours.

And Atobe had been lividly jealous. It was an interesting thing to remember. He smiled just before falling into a deep dreamless sleep.